If I told you that paint was like marmite you might hesitate to engage me for your decorating. My friend Google – who, let’s be honest, is a bit of a know-it-all – has a lot to say about the smell of fresh paint. It’s not a fan. But I am. Mostly, google has suggestions for getting rid of…
Our business subscriptions to “My Family Mansion” and “Country Piles” magazines were due for renewal last week, so I decided to get the company up to date. Usually we hold our monthly staff meeting in the British Museum tea rooms before going to the opera, but I was worried things were getting a bit….stale. “Hipsters!”…
I kept this one a bit quiet, in case some of my more timid customers might get overwhelmed by my new-found celebrity. But as the TV images focused on my smiling face rounding the final curve in the 4 x 100 litres, I knew the cat was out of the bag. Imagine – your local…
You might have noticed that we like to stress traditional workmanship in our decorating. I decided to take it one step further, so I did some extensive research on Google and I came up with the answer. Morris Dancing! What better way to get old-school values and quality into our work? It’s so obvious I…
Like most Londoners I sometimes wish we could go back to Dickens’ time. Particularly when all the talk is about tax rises. “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery”. Just think what you buy with nineteen shillings and sixpence…
I’ve so far turned down all invitations from across the political spectrum to stand for the job of Prime Minister. It just seems to be too much of a reduction in status, though I understand my customers would love it. Better, I say, to brighten people’s lives with a fresh coat of paint. Red, Blue,…
II never tire of telling people that the best time to decorate your house is …. now, of course! But there’s a good reason for this. This change in weather is a good example. It’s starting to get hot. Modern paints are really rather impressive. A thin layer over the wood of your door and…
It used to be said of our late Queen that she thought fresh paint was the natural smell of factories and office blocks. That’s just one more thing I have in common with her, as I fill my idle hours with inspections of our workmen’s labours. I even find myself politely asking them “And what…
It’s a little-known fact that the period between Haloween (spray-on spider-webs and flourescent aerosol shoestrings) and Christmas (cards, trees and stockings) may have been invented by super-intelligent mice in Victorian London as a winter ritual to keep them safe from the cats of Chelsea. These mice used subtle mind control techniques to force house-owners into…
5 minutes ago it was summer. But we’ve all been around long enough to know that Christmas is lurking in the shadows, sellotape and wrapping paper in hand. Santa Claus is rubbing his hands, cackling at your state of unpreparedness. This year, there’re no excuses to keep the relatives away – not ULEZ or COVID…
We were shocked to learn about items from the British Museum going missing last week. But just in case you’ve been offered some old marble statues for your garden, we thought we would suggest a better way to bring timeless classical beauty to your humble home. I refer, of course, to the classical exterior painting…
Ready for Summer? Whatever the weather and the news throw at us over the next few months, the Parvin headquarters is already a hive of activity. Our minions are already dancing up and down ladders, mixing paint by the bucket-full, and chomping through gallons of tea and mountains of biscuits. If you want to see them…
I decided to donate my front-row seat for the Coronation to someone more in need. Perhaps you did the same. Imagine trying to find parking in Central London on May 6th. But we will be gathered around the wireless, eating the new quiche from Charles and Camilla-styled plates and cheering them on. My old Grandma would…
On a quiet trip round Homebase I noticed how easy modern paints are supposed to make our lives. One Coat, No Preparation, Perfect Finish…. If only. My workmen disagree. They’ll happily tell you – in great details – how long it takes to sand down a wall, fill the holes, fix the woodwork, prime the…
For a while there it seemed like summer would go on for ever, just like an old Beach Boys record. But here we are, back to earth again, and Christmas heading straight for us like a drunken reindeer. Wherever Christmas cards go, relatives are never far behind. Relatives, it must be said, who will be sure…
I asked an online painting app to imagine a robot painting the living room. It didn’t miss a beat, and came back with an image that looks every bit as intelligent as I feel at the end of a long week. Not bad, I thought. There’s potential here. Fortunately Mrs. Parvin intervened before I tried…
If walls could talk! I’ll swear that one of my walls mutters and curses under its breath, and keeps threatening to sue me for negligence. Nobody likes a whinger, so not even the other walls like that one. I just hope it can’t talk english. The remedy of course is a new coat of paint. Unemployed government scientists now think that…
Dog owners tend to look like their pets, so I was wondering whether houses and their owners also look alike. A quick glance down my street made me think there might be something similar going on – houses expressing their feelings to anyone who cares to see. It’s scary. Would you sleep well if you…
Smaug, the dragon made famous by JR Tolkein, famously slept on a massive hoard of gold in his cavernous cellar. Tolkein’s writeup of Smaug is somewhat unflattering. It suggests he was the kind of dragon who had another room full of toilet paper, not to mention several jerry cans of petrol out the back, and even some pasta that went out of…
Paul Simon got all the news he needed on the weather report, and he has a point. If too much Carbon Dioxide wasn’t bad enough, not enough of it seems to be even worse. Armageddon! And Estate Agents were reporting a few months ago that Londoners were in mass flight to the country, heading out…
They say it’s easy to mock. And, in the words of comedian Steve Wright, maybe that’s why we enjoy it. I came across these home decorating examples that add new meaning to the word ‘unique’. They should have an award. I’m sorry, but the temptation to share them was overwhelming. How about this brilliant idea to capitalise on unused…
Might as well face up to it – the closest we’re likely to get to a South Sea Island this summer is a trip to Southsea (picture below). But if you’re lucky enough to own property in London, you’ll be staying entertained as you watch your house price go up. In fact you’re probably considering…
We hear a lot about the value of a fresh coat of paint to raise property resale price, but according to survey we value artistic expression above mere profit, and only 4% of homeowners paint for that reason. Fifty-five percent just want a different look, and the main reason homeowners decide to paint is a…
All the talk is about coming out of lockdown. When that happens, beware: house guess can’t be far behind. Stock up on biscuits – and what about the paintwork? We’ve all had it easy for a year but golly – with foreign holidays off the agenda, redecorating looks like the thing for 2021. Beat the…
I may or may not be still in the running for Parvin Household Husband of the Year. but if you like to follow the annual awards, this one’s for you. Colour of the Year is always a controversial contest, with rival awards from Crown and other paint-makers. But, like McVities and the Digestive Biscuit, there…
It’s probably not going to solve the worldwide coronavirus problem overnight, but it’s good to see some developments that look as if they will help. In May of this year some of the world’s leading coatings specialists gathered (virtually) at the Royal Society of Chemistry, in collaboration with the British Coatings Federation, to discuss how…
I hope you managed to enjoy some summer holiday, and got back safely. We put a world map on the wall. I gave Mrs. Parvin a dart and said: “Throw this – wherever it lands, that’s where I’m taking you this year.” Yes, we enjoyed our two weeks behind the fridge. But I like to…
he UK property market is breaking records since the end of lockdown. ‘Sales agreed’ across the country from mid-July to mid-August add up to more than £37 billion. In London, instead of the usual summer slowdown. we’ve had the highest number of homes being put up for sale since March 2008. Rightmove say they are seeing a…
As part of the Construction Industry we are still able to carry out certain types of decorating work during the Lockdown. This includes much exterior work, and work on empty buildings and premises. But we’re coming into decorating season and there’s already a lot of work booked in. So the scientists at GD Parvin have…
Painting and decorating won’t kill viruses – although that might not be too far off: the International Space Station currently has it’s toilet doors covered in a special paint that’s supposed to kill off superbugs, which apparently thrive in space. In the meantime, I could probably quote all sorts of science about how being happy…
