Painting with Peanut Butter?

We get unusual requests from time to time.

But this was probably the strangest. Someone wanted their room painted with Peanut Butter.

We can usually tell when we’re being wound up, but it wasn’t April 1st – and this caller seemed to be completely serious. Yes, he said, he wanted real peanut butter. On the walls and ceiling of a bedroom in his Fulham house. There was no particular brand preference, and he didn’t specify whether it should be crunchy or smooth.

Well, we thought about it. Smooth peanut butter would be easier to apply, but crunchy would be better at hiding any imperfections in the plaster, and it would be less likely to run. For the ceiling, we’d have to recommend a crunchy version and hope that the extra body would keep it in place. A smooth version would be OK for the walls.

It would need to be applied quite thickly, as the drying time for a second coat would be too long – and the first coat might get eaten first. Paint thickness is usually measured in microns, but we thought we’d need at least 1/8th of an inch.

Another problem was the choice of brush and thinners. For a smooth finish we’d usually use a natural bristle brush, or even an airless spray. We didn’t think that was going to work.

After some serious consultation, we decided that our plasterer should get the job, and lay it on with a trowel. But Peanut Butter is oily, so the choice of an undercoat was going to be crucial.

Sadly, there is precious little manufacturers information on Peanut Butter jars about adhesion qualities or preferred primer coats.

But we like solving problems, and finally we came up with the ideal solution. It was quite obvious really: the only possible undercoat for Peanut Butter is, of course, toast.

So, if our caller is reading this, we now have his quote ready. And, for his peace of mind, here is a photo of one of our team practising the new application technique:

In the meantime, if you’re thinking about any other kind of decorating job, we can get a (clean) man over right away to give you an estimate.

Happy Easter, and Best Regards,
Geoff Parvin